Chocolate & Women

I've found this attributed to John Scalzi, but in searching for a byline to give it an attribute, I can't actually find the piece among his blog or writings, so since I'm posting it, I will give him credit, though I'm not sure.


Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they are. I am vividly confronted with this fact every time my wife and I go out to a restaurant. When it gets to dessert, my wife usually orders the most chocolate-saturated dessert possible: It's the one called "Unstoppable Double-Fudge Chocolate Mudslide Explosion" or some such thing. I always wonder why anyone would want to eat anything that promises a catastrophic natural disaster in your mouth.

The dark brown monstrosity arrives at the table, and my wife takes the first bite. Before the fork is even removed from her mouth, a small moan escapes her lips. Her eyes, previously perfectly aligned, first cross slightly and then faze completely, pupils dilating in pure chocolate pleasure before the eyelids clamp down in ecstasy. The hand not holding the fork clenches into a fist and starts pounding the table. The silverware rattles.

After about six minutes of this, she finally manages to swallow the bite, realign her eyes, and take the next shuttle back from whatever transcendental plane she's been visiting. Slowly, her sphere of consciousness expands to include me, her husband, her life-long mate, her presumed partner in all things ecstatic.

"Hey, this is pretty good," she'll say. "You want some?"

No, I don't. I want nothing to do with an object that does to my wife in one bite what I've worked for an entire relationship to achieve. It wouldn't do any good, anyway. Men just don't have the same relationship with chocolate that women do. It's not even close.

I wandered around the office today and asked men -- "Chocolate. Your thoughts?" -- and the result was always the same. First, a confused look as to why they're being asked about something so trivial, and then some lame, obvious statement: "Uh... it's brown?"

Ask women the same question, and you get responses like "The ONLY food group," "ESSENTIAL to life as we know it," and the ultimate casual swipe at every member of the Y-chromosome brigade, "better than sex." Ouch. Some women will try to make up for that last one by quickly adding that chocolate is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Uh-huh. Chocolate certainly increases desire; problem is the desire is usually for more chocolate. The best a guy can do is buy a box of chocolates and hope he'll be considered somewhere between the cherry truffle and the strawberry nougat.

Don't get me wrong. Guys like chocolate just fine; it's just not essential to life as we know it. Respiration is essential to life as we know it; chocolate is simply one of those nice little bonuses you get. We won't usually pass it up if it's offered, but I don't know too many guys who would get substantially worked up if it were to suddenly disappear from the face of the earth (ironic in a way, as back in the days of the Aztecs, only men were allowed to have the stuff).

When I eat a chocolate dessert, I enjoy it, yes. My worldview doesn't narrow to include only the plate that it's on.

Maybe we're missing something. On the other hand, we don't have to pick up our silverware from the floor after we're done with our tiramisu.

Life is about trade-offs like that. All I know is that come Valentine's Day, chocolate will be among the things I offer my wife. I can't truly appreciate it, but I can truly appreciate what it does for her. Which is close enough.

American Idol Competition Begins This Week

We've only seen the tryouts and the elimination, and have yet to see the contestants complete, but just for the record at this very early date, I like these two:

MICHAEL JOHNS







CARLY SMITHSON
Although she's not "American" and I don't know how I feel about that or how many voters will feel. Remains to be seen.





And I already find Danny Noriega very irritating. (However he's no Sanjeia -- thank goodness!)
I often change favorites later in the season, so we'll see how my first instincts pan out.

You can subscribe to this blog by email now

Feedburner now allows you to subscribe to my blog by clicking on the link at the right. If you subscribe, you will get each new blog post delivered as an email. I promise, it's easy. I subscribe to a couple and I really like it, because I don't miss a day, and if I want to reply, I just click through.

Click where it says subscribe by email in the right hand sidebar.
Scroll down just under my profile.--------->
Let me know if you try it and like it.

Movies That Make Us Laugh: When Harry Met Sally

I didn't like this movie the first time I saw it. I'm trying to remember what I was doing in 1989 that would have influenced me, but much of my life with a house full children is a blur. I'm sure that in another twenty years I'll think the same thing about my life today, but children are my excuse for nearly everything (okay dh gets a few points) so I'm sticking with it. Them.

Now When Harry Met Sally cracks me up. Back then Meg Ryan hadn't yet reconstructed her lips and still looked pretty cute. She looked cute right up until she got hit by that truck in City of Angels, as a matter of fact. After that, well...let's just say leaving Nicolas Cage alone for eternity was a BIG mistake.

What's your favorite scene in When Harry Met Sally? Everyone always talks about the cafe scene, but surely there are other memorable parts.

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
"And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”



And because a week from me wouldn't be complete without this, here ya go:

Are you watching?

What do you think so far?

So what did ya get for Valentine's Day?

I got a honkin' box of Russell Stovers, doorframes PLUS woodwork in my semi-finished kitchen. My guy knows how to please me. Oh yeah.

Black & White Photo Challenge

I subscribe to a blog called Wine on the Keyboard, because Kacey posts a photograph every day, and you know how I love photographs. This weekend she posted a black and white photo challenge--convert your photos and send her a link. So I did.

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Favorite Romantic Comedies: Overboard

WHY I LOVE IT
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell (real-life partners) are perfect in their respective roles. Joanna (Goldie Hawn), the snobby socialite, and Dean (Kurt Russell), the working-class carpenter, meet while Dean is working on Joanna's yacht. Joanna rebuffs Dean when he comes to collect payment for his work. Later, Joanna falls off of her yacht and gets total amnesia. Her real husband never claims her, thinking that he's rid of her, so Dean claims her as his "wife" to take care of his children in lieu of payment for the work he did. Joanna and Dean work through everyday family life with some very comedic situations -- since Joanna has no memory of any domestic skills and she is now a wife and mother. One day her real life catches up with her and to her surprise, she realizes that her new life is the one she really wants.


We still have our favorite lines in this movie that we say to other members of our family. "Eat you checkers," is one of them, and even Elijah says it. LOL

Annie Proffitt when calling to the child whose name she can't remember, "Twin! Oh twin!"

You Were Always On My Mind

Who would you rather hear sing this, Brandy, Elvis or Willie Nelson?

ALWAYS ON MY MIND

Maybe I didn't love you quite as good as I should have,
Maybe I didn't hold you quite as often as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind,

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died,
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm sorry, I was blind.

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.



For me it's a toss up. I love Elvis, but Willie's rendition is haunting and -- repentant. You can hear the regret in his voice.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!
We're having a party over at Petticoats and Pistols!
Scroll down to see all the posts for today.
Mine in on,,,guess what? Love songs.

How to Avoid Identity Theft

From author Brenda Novak: How to do what you can to avoid identity theft.


1. The next time you order checks, have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks.

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the "for" line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the numbers and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to them.

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a P.O. Box, use it instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use your work address.

4. Never have your SS# or Driver’s License number printed on your checks. You can add it if necessary, but if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

5. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Copy both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place. Also carry a photocopy of your passport when you travel either here or abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, SS#, credit cards, etc.

6. Guard your trash from theft by shredding documents and receipts. Thieves can build an alternate identity using the mail you throw away.

7. Don't leave credit cards in glove compartments. (Glove compartments account for thousands of credit card thefts.)

8. Always check your monthly statements. (Criminals will sometimes make a small purchase first, to see if it goes undetected, before making a big one.)

9. Notify the post office immediately if you change your address. Mail going to your old address can end up in the wrong hands.

The attorney who shared this information said he has firsthand knowledge because his wallet was recently stolen. Within a week, the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change his driving record information online, and more. Here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

1. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll-free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them.

2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is the first step toward an investigation (if there is one).


3. Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#. The man who passed along this information said he had never heard of doing this until advised by a bank officer who called to tell him that an application for credit was made over the Internet in his name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time the attorney whose wallet was stolen was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft of his wallet, all the damage had been done. There were records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves when they made their purchases, none of which he knew about before he placed the alert. Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw his wallet away (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks:

The numbers are: Equifax 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW) 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

Beach Towel

Can you imagine shaking this out to lie on at the beach??

Yup, it's Felicity Huffman

Julie had it right.

I notice now in all the promo pics, she has on jeans or a long dress.

I LURV her hubby, William Macy.

Just for Rebecca

Okay, who's this?

It's Janet!

Hey, we all have our difficult times, eh?
Hard to believe that was Janet Jackson.

Good job, Wendy!

Guess Who?

Take a stab and see if you can guess who this is. I know, and I still can't believe it.

National Center for Family Literacy to receive up to 100,000 books with estimated valued of $700,000

PRESS RELEASE: Toronto, (February 11, 2008)


eHarlequin.com (www.eHarlequin.com), the online site for Harlequin Enterprises Limited, is challenging its community members to read an astounding 100,000 books in one year in the 2008 eHarlequin.com 100,000 Book Challenge. When the reading challenge ends on December 31, 2008, Harlequin will make an unprecedented donation of an equivalent number of books to the National Center for Family Literacy (NCFL). The estimated retail value of a 100,000 book donation to the NCFL by Harlequin Enterprises Ltd. is $700,000 U.S.

The stated mission of NCFL is to create a literate nation by leveraging the power of the family. Family literacy helps parents and children form a learning partnership that ends the cycle of poverty and low literacy. NCFL works to find solutions to the literacy crises that build on the family by creating a new cycle of ongoing learning and mutual support. Since its inception in 1989, NCFL has provided leadership to solve the national literacy problem. Through groundbreaking initiatives, NCFL fuels life improvement for the nation’s most disadvantaged children and parents. More than one million families throughout the country have made positive educational and economic gains as a result of NCFL’s work, which includes training more than 150,000 teachers and thousands of volunteers.

“Recent studies show that people are reading literature less and less,” said Sharon Darling, president & founder of NCFL. “This reading challenge not only will provide an important incentive for everyone to read more, it also will greatly benefit the millions of adults who have low literacy – 34 million in the United States alone and 771 million globally.”

In addition to promoting literacy, the 2008 eHarlequin.com 100,000 Book Challenge encourages readers to discuss the titles they have read on the eHarlequin.com website in their own blogs. Those participating in the challenge share their thoughts, reviews, opinions, recommendations and progress. Another remarkable and unforeseen aspect to the challenge is that many people who were not bloggers—or who even knew what a blog was—are now passionate blog hosts and are spearheading online discussions in the forums.

“Our readers are very passionate,” says Jayne Hoogenberk, community manager for eHarlequin.com. “They read, talk, think and dream about books 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. The median number of paperbacks read in one year by Americans is 12. The median for Harlequin readers is 30. Since we’re always looking for ways to inspire and challenge our community members, we wondered if, as a group, they would be able to read 100,000 books in a single calendar year and through our donation of 100,000 books, share that love of reading with others who don’t have such easy access to entertaining and engaging literature for women.”

The original book challenge was laid down on eHarlequin.com in January 2006 and challenged community members to each read 100 books. Seventy-five community members took up the gauntlet. By the end of the year, 55 of those people had read or exceeded the goal. In 2007 eHarlequin.com challenged its members to read 10,000 books collectively. By year end they had read an astounding 24,440 books. To date 350+ participants have accepted the 2008 100,000 Book Challenge. In one week they have already read some 1,000+ books.

“The response of the past two years was so overwhelmingly positive that we had to keep going,” states Hoogenberk. “We also knew that we had to up the ante. And so the 2008 eHarlequin.com 100,000 Book Challenge for literacy was born. Last year we capped the number of participants and still easily surpassed our target. Since the event has generated such positive feedback, and in order to reach our goal of 100,000 books read, we’ve decided to leave registration open-ended this year.”

There are no hard and fast rules other than participants being asked to have at least 50% of their list be novels published by Harlequin. This allows readers to discover the outstanding breadth of editorial Harlequin has to offer. The other 50% of books can be any genre by any publisher. Likewise, all formats—print, eBooks, audiobooks, etc.—are acceptable, and readers are encouraged to seek them out and give them a try.

The range and diversity of Harlequin readers is not confined solely to the type of books they read or the medium in which they enjoy them. The online nature of the eHarlequin.com community illustrates the significant power of books to unite readers in a global way. Geographic boundaries have become meaningless in this venture as the challenge brings together readers from countries as varied as Germany, France and the Philippines, as well as Harlequin editors in Toronto, New York and London and Harlequin authors from around the world.

The 2008 eHarlequin.com 100,000 Book Challenge is taking place right now at eHarlequin.com. If you are interested in participating, please contact Jayne Hoogenberk at jayne_hoogenberk@harlequin.ca

A blast from the past, a WHOA in the present!

You know how I love these....

A lot of us remember Terms of Endearment, Urban Cowboy, An Officer and A Gentleman.

A couple of years have passed since Debra Winger was the movie hottie.

Hey, she's smiling!

Buckle Up!

Remember that time you thought you had your child safely buckled in, only to discover to your horror that in your hurry, the latch hadn't fastened? Well, you're fine.

ST. AUGUSTINE, Florida (AP)
Police have arrested a motorist they say had a 24-pack of beer strapped in with a seat belt but had a 16-month-old girl unrestrained in the back seat with the toddler's mother.

Tina D. Williams was pulled over in St. Augustine on Sunday for allegedly running a red light. A 24-pack of Busch beer was strapped in with the passenger-side seat belt, according to an arrest report. The girl was in the back seat with 20-year-old Amber Tedrick, who is the toddler's mother.

Williams, 46, said she didn't know why the child wasn't restrained. Williams refused to take a breath test and a deputy found two metal pipes commonly used to smoke drugs in her purse, authorities said. Watch her mug shot »

Williams was charged with driving under the influence, child abuse, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving without a license, a jail official said. She remained in the St. Johns County jail Tuesday after bail was set at $31,000.

The jail did not have the name of her attorney. It was not clear if Tedrick would face any charges, but the child was released to her care, according to The Florida Times-Union.

a nap from the past

Tom Jones refuses to take chances with some of his most famous assets -- his chest hair.


THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SAY:
a. Ewwwwwwwwwwww
b. What the--?
c. Tom who?
d. Well he's all you'd ever want
e. I remember when...
f. Now I get it, NAP!

Tom Jones recently insured his famous chest hair for just under $7 million.
Yes, that was 7 million.

Though the 67-year-old crooner's manager told a British tabloid that Jones has been "working far too hard in the recording studio" for such frivolity, media reports have confirmed the policy was taken out with the world-renowned Lloyd's of London.

The prestigious insurance house has a history of catering to strange celebrity requests.

Lloyd's of London has insured the legs of Fred Astaire, Angie Dickinson, and supermodel Heidi Klum, the hands of pianist Liberace and the fingers of Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. The most famous rear end in the world - the one belonging to Jennifer Lopez - is also said to be insured by the London-based insurance house.

On its Web site, Lloyd's of London boasted that the storied firm issued coverage of a celebrity's chest hair in 2006.

"Admittedly, this is one of the most obscure requests I've had – but I still came up with a wording that addressed the need," underwriter John Thomas said at the time.