Along our writing journeys it’s not uncommon
for writers to struggle with confidence. One of the things we can do to build
confidence is to recognize and overcome self-defeating behaviors, like negative
self-talk. Negative thinking can be detrimental to our performance, make us
doubt ourselves and inhibit our creativity.
We
all wonder if we have the stuff it takes. As beginners we wonder if we have an
inkling of talent. Once our talent is validated by other writers and readers,
we still wonder if it’s good enough, if we have what it takes. It’s good to
acknowledge that we don’t know it all and to have a desire to learn and grow, but doubt can hold us back. We shoot
ourselves in the foot by creating and feeding feelings of inadequacy.
Being unprepared can leave us feeling
inadequate, so reading, attending workshops and staying informed on the craft
of writing and the market is another way to help us feel prepared. When
positive thinking is paired with common sense, we can stay open to
possibilities.
Confidence can be built by setting and
achieving goals, so it’s pretty important how we choose to set goals and
measure them. Short term and long terms goals should be realistic and
achievable. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting a goal like, “I will
be published by this time next year.” Unless you’re independently publishing, a
goal like that is out of your control, and the result will leave you feeling
helpless or like a failure. Set goals with smaller steps. A long term goal
might be to produce a polished product for submission with the next ten months.
Then set short term goals to make it happen: Two new pages a day or two hours
of writing a day for example. Perhaps take an online class or find a critique partner.
"Our doubts are traitors and
make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." – William Shakespeare
Most
of us were raised in a competitive and comparative environment, where our
achievements were profiled and graphed into percentiles; where we were matched
up against our peers as a gauge to see how we were doing. It’s no wonder so
many of us have self-esteem issues and doubts about our abilities. Thank
goodness teachers, counselors and parents have learned to work in teams to
choose learning methods suitable for children of all capabilities. Students are
treated as individuals and encouraged to learn at their own speed and in the
manner best suited for them.
Sometimes
we make mistakes. Sometimes a project crashes and burns. Sometimes we have to
do something wrong before we figure out how to do it right. And that’s okay—as
long as we’re moving forward.
You have to be willing to make
mistakes.
I
know writers who never get started because they’re always planning, plotting
and talking about the book instead of putting words on pages. Know anyone like
that? There are writing students (not actually writers yet) who read every book on the craft and attend all the
workshops and conferences and ask questions and take notes and plan, plan,
plan.
It’s
a good thing to be teachable and eager to learn, but you can’t learn to write
until you put words on paper. The people who don’t get that far want everything
to be perfect before it gets on the page – or they want it to come
out perfect on the first try, so they wait until they’re good enough. Guess
what? Ain‘t gonna happen.
You
have to be willing to make mistakes. You have to be willing to write badly in
order to learn to write well. Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen?
“Confidence comes not from always
being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
-
Peter T. Mcintyre
I’ve
been a worship leader for quite a few years, and I always say to my team of
singers, “If you’re going to make a mistake, make it with confidence, and no
one will know you didn’t intend it that way.” I have been known to sing the
wrong notes or words, but I sing them with such authority that everyone follows
along. Confidence grows with practice and with maturity.
I wrote a how-to-write book. It was a pretty big deal. Who was I to write a book that would be marketed beside admired and credible instructors? It was a lofty goal to write an
instructional book, but I’d been leading workshops and teaching online classes
for years, and I had a lot of encouragement from other writers, which built my
confidence in my ability. I always ask myself, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Writing this type of book was something I’d thought
about for a long time. It was as big of a step as writing or submitting my
first book. My long term goal was to submit it for publication. My short term
goals involved gathering my notes and thoughts, preparing the manuscript and
getting feedback.
Imagine my delight when the publisher I had
dreamed of made an offer. The process was so different from my other publishing experiences that it was a stretch.
The editor of Writing With Emotion, Tension and Conflict, Rachel Randall, told
me I should be proud of this project. And I am. I did something I had only dreamed of doing.
I
have high hopes for the future generations of students and young adults
receiving recognition for intrinsic value. We should all know that our value
lies inside of us, not in our performance.
Some
things just can’t be measured. What makes one book better than the next or one
writer better than another? Only perspective. Only the reader, when you get
right down to it. Because story-telling can be so subjective, I might enjoy a
book you can’t finish, and a story I think is drivel could land on your keeper
shelf.
No
one can tell you whether or not you’re going to sell a book, publish fifty more
or be a success. Another writer can read your work and assure you it’s good,
but that’s not a guarantee. There are no guarantees when you start writing, and
that can get frustrating.
As
much as we’d love for there to be, there’s no writer’s crystal ball to foretell
the future.
Take
a man with a desire to run a hundred meter race. He buys a pair of Nikes, goes
out and gives running a shot, but he doesn’t do very well. Why not? He didn’t
practice! He didn’t study how other runners achieve endurance through diet and
exercise. He doesn’t know how good he really is until he’s trained by learning
all he can, eating properly for energy and muscle and all that—and after he’s
ready, after he’s prepared, by stretching to limber up and then RUNNING.
Then running again and again and again until
he’s fast and he’s confident that he’s fast, and he’s ready to compete.
In many ways submitting a book is a lot like
that. Your manuscript will be compared to all the others that cross an editor’s
desk. It will be scrutinized for its ability to make the publishing house money
in the marketplace—bottom line in this business. The only way you can have the
confidence to know you’re submitting something with a chance of making it past
that test is to learn your craft and practice, practice, practice. Work at
writing and work at it until you get better, until you hit your personal
stride. Then share it and get feedback from people you trust.
So how can you grow your confidence?
Confidence is gained by successfully
completing a task and recognizing the accomplishment—repeatedly. By
acknowledging a success, your brain processes, "I can do this again."
We can’t nurture confidence if we don’t
recognize or even appreciate what we’ve done.
Don’t ever demean an accomplishment by saying
or thinking, “I was just lucky" or "Anyone could have done it."
Don’t
look at a project as too large. Break it down into steps and accomplish them
one at a time. If it’s helpful, record your page/time goals and accomplishments
in your planner. Check them off as you reach and overtake each one. It’s like
that joke, “How do you eat an elephant?”
One
bite at a time.
Celebrate each success along the way.
Have
a chapter one achievement award party or treat yourself to something special
for milestones reached. Give yourself fun stickers or hearts on your
calendar—something visual to note progress.
Learn from your mistakes. This might sound
simple, but if one method didn’t work, try a different one. You can’t expect a different result from the
same behavior.
“Ability is what you're capable of
doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do
it." - Lou Holtz
Confidence
is conditioned behavior.
Many years ago a study was done at the
University of Wisconsin. A scientist tied a mouse’s front feet together and
placed the animal into the cage of another mouse. The mouse whose cage was
being trespassed easily beat up the mouse with its feet tied.
After that happened several times, the
scientist put mice without tied feet into the cage. The mouse who’d won
repeatedly was so confident by then that it took on and defeated mice even
larger than itself. Under ordinary circumstances, that mouse would have run
when it saw a larger opponent, but it had been conditioned until it believed it
couldn't lose. And it didn't.
Condition yourself.
Congratulate yourself.
Celebrate your successes.
“Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your consent.” - Eleanor
Roosevelt
Sure,
sometimes self-doubt is much deeper, it’s inadequacies we’ve carried with us
from childhood and relationships and past hurts and experiences. But there’s
help for those things, too, in recognizing it and getting help if need be and
working on it. You’re a valuable person. You’re worth it. You deserve to give
yourself the gift of improving yourself and reaching for your dream.
"If you want confidence, act
as if you already have it.”
- William
James
